Bolivia

We just returned from an awsome three day jeep tour through southwestern Bolivia. We set off from a small town in northern Chile called San Pedro de Atacama on the northern end of the Atacama desert (the world´s driest, they hadn´t gotten rain in that town for 13 years). The town itself was a bit of a tourist trap but we found a great place to stay and the setting was cool—basically an oasis in the middle of a bunch of desert mountains. We met some Brits who ended up being a good time and we had some of the best food we had anywhere in Chile. We found what we thought to be the least sketchy tour company and booked our trip. $90 for the three days, everything included.

We started out in a van which took us to the border with Bolivia where we met up with our driver for the next three days. Juan ended up being a good guy which was lucky because we had heard the fun of the tour depended entirely on the quality of the driver. We passed a series of lagoons in pictuesque settings and made our way to some gysers and boiling mud pots which we walked all around before reading the sign saying the ground was thin and dangerous. We stopped at a lake that was colored red by algae and full of flamingoes. Our accommodations were at a “refugio”—really basic. The place wasn´t heated and it was completely freezing. We knew we weren´t exactly prepared for the cold, but it was nasty. Our beds were straw mattresses and our sleeping bags the tour agency had issued us were a joke in the 20 degree weather. The other problem (that we had laughed off earlier) was the altitude. The camp was at 14,000 feet and the air was thin, no joke. When we tried to go to bed that night no one could sleep. The lack of oxygen raised our heartrates so much that it was impossible to relax. We all had terrible headaches and were freezing. When we woke up in the morning, everyone said they´d had the worst night of their lives. So apparently altitude sickness is the real deal, we all had the symptoms.

There was another problem. Our group. There were seven of us packed into a Toyota land cruiser so good company was critical. Besides us there were two Austrian girls, a frogger and this Israeli dude. He ended up being the problem. He was sick as hell, but decided to take the tour anyway. He was also a classic Israeli (at least in my mind) meaning he was an inconsiderate asshole and a little mommas boy and rude as shit all at the same time. A real winner. So he had this horrible disgusting snort/phelmy cough which made us all sick. He hacked up shit all the time and never covered his mouth. He spit a huge green thing in the sink the first night and just left it there. And he kept coughing right at the table where we were all eating together. And then all night, while we were trying to sleep. And then he layed around all day in the jeep refusing to get our to see the sights, just begging for some babying (which to our horror, the girls gave him). He also justified sitting in the front seat the entire trip due to his sickness (which was a joke, it was just a cold) while we were all packed in the back with crappy views. And to top it all of, he was rude and thought he was god´s gift and knew everything (classic jewball from the motherland). So we were really annoyed with this kid.

Fortnately the others were friendly and the scenery was amazing. The second day we drove for about 10 hours and passed a bunch of pretty lagoons and mountains, etc (we´ll put up some pics next week). Otherwise it was the least interesting of the two days. We did, however, have the pleasure of running into a few more Israelis who further confirmed my stereotype. We stopped in a small town to use the bathroom and buy water and while we were standing around, this jeep full of young jews pulled up and they all got out schlepping and schlimming all over themselves. I could tell from afar that they were just my type. We were in line behind them for the bathroom and this first kid asks this Bolivian woman running the bathroom if he can take a picture of her and her baby (which is tied up in one of those classis colorful blankets on her back). She says no and this fat little smug Israeli girl asks her “why not” in the rudest and most patronizing tone imaginable. The poor woman just walks away. Then they´re standing around and she spits her gum on the walkway to the bathroom. It doesn´t sound as bad as it was, but it really pissed me off. So I got in the car ranting about these girls and our jewish friend tells me that at least we met him, so we know there are good Israelis out there. Yeah, right. Did I mention he chews with his mouth open?

The second night we spent in a hotel that was built entirely from blocks of salt. It was quite luxurious compared with the previous night and we were down to 11,000 feet so we all slept better. Today we toured the Salar de Uyuni which is an enormous salt flat (largest in the world, superlative blahh) which was very impressive. Blinding white flat salt as far as you could see. The views were amazing. We stopped at an “island” in the middle which was covered in cactus. We finally got into the small town of Uyuni in the late afternoon and parted ways with our driver and group (who were very dissapointed when we gave the driver a good tip (5 bucks) and they realized they had better follow suit or risk looking like assholes). Now we´re headed out to what promises to be the best pizza in all of Bolivia run by an expat from Beantown. We´ve got our fingers crossed.